Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…

“Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we would be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that Marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the dr*g we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for A.I.D.S so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.”

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother. ‘Well,’ said the first one, ‘I bought mom a huge house in Beverly Hills.’

‘I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her.

‘I’ve beaten you both,’ said the third. ‘I bought her a miraculous parrot that can talk to her.’

A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.

‘Gerald, the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, and I have to clean the entire house. Milton, the car is useless because I don’t go anywhere; I’m too old. But Robert, you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious.’

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”

Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”

Son says, “Toy Story.”

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching a dirty movie.”

Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what dirty movies were.”

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.