Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: “One of these days you’re going to fart your guts out.”

It’s Thanksgiving morning.

The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea.

She tiptoes up the stairs and into the bedroom. She carefully pulls back the waistband of her husband’s jockey shorts and loads him up with warm turkey guts.

An hour later the woman hears him stirring.

She hears his feet hit the floor and then the normal fart-laugh sequence.

The laugh stops abruptly and is followed by a scream, and then 10 minutes of utter silence.

The man eventually comes down the stairs and says to his wife: “Honey, I owe you an apology. For years, you’ve been telling me that I was going to fart my guts out. Today it finally happened, but by the grace of God and these 2 fingers (raises soiled 1st and 2nd digit) I got ’em all back in and I’m gonna be OK.”

An old married couple went camping.

An old married couple were going camping.
They pitched their tent under the stars and fell asleep.

In the middle of the night, the wife woke her husband and said, “Look at the stars and tell me what you see.”

The husband replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

The wife said, “And what do you make of that?”

The husband replied, “Well if there are millions of stars and even some of them have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

There was a slight pause before the wife said: “No honey, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

LOL!!